Newborn Fix

Kills me

The fat little fingers grabbing onto me while she sleep? Kills me.

1.3

Typing one handed on my phone, because she’s here. Just a shade earlier than her due date and totally perfect.

Therapeutically speaking, I’ll def need to type up her birth story. But it will be long. It was fairly awful, not in hours or anything straightforward like that but the super short version is: they jacked up my epidural with a wet tap and I also somehow injured my shoulder (cause I was playing basketball during labor???) and we very narrowly escaped at minimum an emergency section or at worst total disaster because of the oopsie-d epidural. My back and shoulder are still not 100% but are slowly improving. I had an awful spinal headache and a bloodpatch. The bloodpatch was horrifically painful AND didn’t fix my headache. I wasn’t able to stand long enough to take a real shower for two weeks. A hot mess in other words. I only started driving in the last week and she’s a little over a month old.

I’m looking forward to finally being able to say “alls well that ends well” but we’re still not quite there yet.

She’s super exhausting but also pretty awesome. A serious appetite. Because of all the delivery complications and also because she spent days more in the hospital without me due to jaundice we’re also struggling with breast feeding. In that I’m pretty much exclusively pumping and trying to talk her into actually nursing. On more than one occasion that’s ended with both of us crying. So I’m sure ill be typing more about that as well in the coming time.

37!

I recently finished the sweater I started for her before we knew it was a her. A fancy yarn store was going out of business so my mom and I went and scooped up some not nearly discounted enough fancy yarns to make baby things with. We tried to stick with gender neutral stuff since my ultrasound wasn’t for another month and I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out anyway. I took the materials with me and started the sweater on the plane ride down to Mexico and got ALMOST to dividing for sleeves when on the way home Mexican customs confiscated my needles before letting me board the plane. Pregnancy hormones plus hours of work lost plus having to very first thing you’ve made for your baby ruined by a stranger in the airport led to me crying uncontrollably in the Mexican airport.

I did however restart it, and finally finished it and sewed buttons on a few weeks ago. I also sewed buttons and weaved in ends on all the other little things I’ve been saving in my closet. But here is her going home outfit (I hope it fits):

The baby shower was great and I’m more than half done with my thank you notes. My parents are coming over today with two essential but not cute baby purchases (mattress and changing pad) so I think we might be as ready as well ever be.

Also this week they came by for our ‘orientation’ to the cloth diaper service. I signed us up for a 4 week trial and well see how it goes. I was very intimidated by the laundry aspect with both of us working full time plus a moderately insane grandmother in the house who fixates on things like laundry. After lots of reading it seems like if you don’t take care with how you wash the cloth diapers its easy to ruin them, since she’s ruined >20 of Hubbins dress shirts and sweaters by running them through the dryer we can safely say we can’t expect her to listen to washing instructions like special detergent, or line dry. …. Also the fact that I’m sure she’s going to want to “help” and won’t be able to safely do much with a newborn without supervision I suspected we would create a perfect storm. Anyway, much to my surprise I was able to find a diaper service that covers our address for $25/week…. Which doesn’t seem to bad to me? That includes all supplies along with laundering pick up and delivery. Plus better for the environment? So well see how it goes. I got cases of diapers at the baby shower so one way or another we will get by. (Good thing my cousin is still due in August so I’ve got a default disposable diaper hand off for anything the baby outgrows before we use it)

I think we’re ready. I hope were ready. The other excellent news is now that we’ve made it to the 9th not only is she full term but I’m taking 12 weeks leave and Hubbins last day of teaching for the year is less than 12 weeks away! So we should be fairly solid with child care until August! Wheeeee!

In less exciting news I have a cold and a low fever for the last two days (99.6) that’s two colds this winter! Geez, pregnancy really does sap your immune strength cause I think it’s been a few years since I’ve even gotten so much as a cold and I work in an ER!

35w1d

5 weeks has never seemed so long and so short at the same time…

So long in that I’m ready to be done, there. I said it. My pelvis, hips and SI joints ache constantly, sometimes downright painful if I’ve been doing more walking that day. Not like for exercise, but I mean a trip to the grocery store, target, or Costco can leave me weepy. I did get an SI-band that rather than a maternity support belt which supports your belly and back is a less flexible strap that sits down over your pelvis/hip area. It helps. Minimally. But over the last week I get the distinct impression her head is now too far down in my belly and does not like being squished. The belt (which is very adjustable) can no longer be worn tight enough to help my bony pain without feeling like its putting way more than a comfortable amount of pressure on my belly. 12 hour shifts at work now promise to be awesome. Yes. Yes, I really care about your your cold now patient, do you believe me? My hips and pelvis now crack when I walk up stairs or flip over at night. So yes, I’m ready to be done. Not to mention all whining aside, what does she look like?! I can’t wait to hold her! I can’t wait to carry her around in the baby wearing equipment I got. I can’t wait to nibble her little feet, and cheeks, and bum! (And if you think I’m desperate to meet her you should see her father who is so used impulse shopping I’m pretty sure he’s never had to wait for 9 months for anything in his life! …. Ie: he’s the kind of person who buys you a Christmas present then wants to give it to you a week before Christmas because he’s so excited about it) this week also begins my weekly doctors appointment so it’s starting to seem more real. And this week Hubbin was, ahem, ill, so he could come with me and the doctor gave us instructions about when to go to the hospital *eeep!*

So short in that, um no. Technically I’m totally not ready for her. Somewhat in my defense my baby shower isn’t until next weekend so I’ve tried to totally quit buying things in the event someone may gift them to us. So, the furniture is all built. And all the clothes are washed and folded. But we don’t have a crib mattress, or sheets, or anything else. I did get a gigantic pack of wipes and diapers, so I guess that’s mostly what you need… And we do have a carseat, so they’d let us bring her home. I’ve had calling the diaper service on my to do list for weeks too. Maybe ill do that this week?

And um. No. We haven’t decided on a name either. *for shame*

Despite all the not readiness I still kind of hope she’s a bit early cause I’m just so desperate to meet her.

Just Finished

For the hopefully new Easter guest this year….

31w2d – que excitement

31 weeks seems like such a huge number! We’re getting pretty disgustingly excited.

On Christmas my family started a pool guessing what day she’ll arrive. Only one person guessed after my due date so, if I’m late I think I’ll have a hard time dealing with it since everyone is convinced she’ll be early.

A few weeks ago I made our baby registry. Which was fairly overwhelming. I left Hubbin at home because he thinks babies shouldn’t need anything and I knew if I took him with me I would leave the store with NOTHING on the registry.

A biiiiig package arrived today. Que my excitement!!! (I bought this, it was not a gift)

I put it together straight away (probably in less than 30 minutes with no special tools, I was surprised how easy it was) and I’m quite pleased. Excuse my pajamas in the last shot. And yes it was 2pm, don’t judge me.

We’re slowly gathering baby related equipment, my shower isn’t until the beginning of March so I’m trying to slow down with my desire to have *everything* *now*. Hubbin has finished building the dresser but that’s it. The wardrobe is still in boxes and I did finally order a crib. Which was somewhat scary for me…. I put it off for a long time.

The sensation of feeling like I need to get thing set up and ready is starting to creep in. Which is vying with my other emotions where I’m still hesitant on some things like “is it too early to buy a carseat at 30 weeks”. “Am I going to jinx myself”. I guess, crib and carseat are distinctly “big baby items” which might be why we started backwards with buying a dresser and a closet for her… ???

My baby shower will be the beginning of March everyone so far has said “wow that’s really cutting it close isn’t it?” Maybe I’m still a little nervous deep down?

Hubbin recently rented the odd life of Timothy green for us to watch this weekend. Which, I had NO IDEA what that movie was about. I cried like the whole first 30-45 minutes and the whole last 30 minutes. Hubbin thought it was ultimately a happy movie… It just brought up so many emotions. Thank god I didn’t go see that in the movie theaters. I was so relieved that I could feel her wiggling during the movie. And then I had all kinds of guilt emotions cause I was pregnant too. I spend extra time talking to my belly before bed telling her that even though I moan and grunt I’m still very thankful she’s taking up all that room in there. I also had to spend time reassuring myself that even though I went through infertility it doesn’t mean I have to LIKE things like puking and heart burn and back pain, that that doesn’t make me ungrateful or a bad person.

And on that note… My cousin is pregnant again, who if you’ll recall got pregnant in the spring right before her wedding and I cried in the grocery store after I got off the phone with her when she told me because my third IUI had failed. Then consequently felt super guilty when she had a miscarriage. She had a second miscarriage in the fall but is now pregnant again. I’m hoping this one sticks around, I suspect it will since she had to go to te ER for fluids and nausea meds but she hasn’t made it past the point if the first pregnancy so were all kind of holding our breath right now….

25w3d

I had my last appointment today that’s 4 weeks after my last one, I graduate soon to the 2 weeks spacing. My next appointment is 3 weeks from now since I switched offices and got a somewhat late start.

These appointments are so fast. Pee in a cup. Check my weight and BP. Check her heartbeat, measure the belly. The end.

The doctor didn’t tell me how big my belly was today but I measured at home and was still getting a week ahead (all those tuition dollars were good for something! I know how to accurately measure fundal height) so she seems to be growing fine. I’m pretty sure she was awake and partying all day yesterday. I got up at 5 to pee and couldn’t fall back asleep cause her kicks are sometime so strong now. Then all day long I could feel her grooving while I was seeing patients and when I would sit down to dictate I could even see my belly moving. So I think she’s good.

My weight gain is somewhat shameful, I mean, I’ll be glad I don’t have a ton of weight to lose at the end, but I’m up to 136lbs now. With shoes. Which has me at a grand total of 6lbs at 25+ weeks. Which makes me feel slightly guilty I’m not feeding her enough. Obviously she’s growing fine, but. I’m not taking zofran anymore, not since t giving, but so much just sounds unappetizing still and I get to feel so full, that eating becomes uninteresting to me.

We’re still in hot debate of a name hopefully well come up with something before April!

24w1d — Plus Bonus: What flavor baby is it?!

According to my phone tracker baby SSFB is now the size of a eggplant =o ! And close to 2lbs! I’ve definitely made it to the “she’s pregnant” appearance rather than a “is she pregnant or did she just have too many cookies?”

As far as I know things are going well. I first felt the baby move at 16 weeks, just a couple

light taps at first that left me thinking “is that what I thought it was?” and then it slowly increased in frequency to maybe once a day, then maybe more than once a day, then right at about 18 weeks I caught the first kick from the outside with my hand. At 19w3d I managed to get hubbin to catch his first kick with his hand, which was magical and I finally allowed him to post about it on facebook cause he was SO excited. Now I feel definite periods of activity versus baby sleep

.

We had our big ultrasound about a month ago and managed to keep it a secret from alllllll family members, including my MIL who lives in our basement. I bought little gender appropriate colored items (just small things like a bib that says “I love grandma” etc) for them to open on Thanksgiving so everyone could learn at the SAME time this time, unlike the

beginning when he told his mom weeks before I was aware and weeks before we told my parents.

My official weight gain right now is 5-6 lbs. I’m pretty sure one of us is gaining weight cause my belly is big and bras don’t fit, I’m just not sure it’s me, my face looks thinner like I’ve lost weight. My excuse is I’m still just plain not feeling well most of the time, I was super looking forward to having cart blanche to eat whatever I wanted and be like “mwa haha! I’m pregnant who cares!”… but I find most foods to still be fairly off putting. I totally bought the rumor that morning sickness is only a little past the first trimester, but I’ve had to keep calling for zofran refills. I’ve managed to not take any since thanksgiving but have only probably had a mild uptake in food since then. Anyway without further ado…..

It’s a GIRL!!!!

Hubbin was kind of hoping for a girl, I am pretty sure I didn’t have a preference after waiting for so long, but am a little nervous I’m not ‘girly’ enough for a girl.

15w4d Update

A lot has happened since the last post. Everything is ultimately going well but we had a verrrrrrry stressful two weeks. The NT test results and most of the first trimester screening were good but I got an unexpected phone call from my doctors office about mid 12 weeks which I thought was going to be about my thyroid levels but turned out to be a positive cystic fibrosis screening.

Que Panic Attacks.

So because of the infertility stuff I had really not let myself get attached or accepted this was happening, or really told anyone. I was kind of trying to shut it all out until after the 12 weeks screening stuff at least and I had a few days following the scan to start finally letting myself be happy and excited and then the test came back positive and I felt like it was all destroyed again. I got the phone call at work which was really rough making it through the rest of my shift.

Hubbin went down that same day to have his blood drawn and then it took 1.5 weeks to finally get his results back, which were negative, thank god. But it was 1.5 weeks of total freak out.

Since then I’ve been doing a bit better, I’m still struggling a lot more than I expected to getting over all of my infertility emotions? Which I wasn’t really expecting. I expected to just move on, and be happy, and excited. I’m not sure when it will seem real.

I finally told my boss, which was terrifying. He’s really a great boss and nice… but he’s stoic and quiet and I honestly felt like I was 15 year old telling my dad I was pregnant… complete with fumbling for the door knob on the way out of his office. I’ve told a handful of other people since then, and I think the rumor might slowly be spreading around work. Its not that I don’t want people to know, I mean… I think in another week it’s going to be super obvious because I’m slowly bridging the gap right now between out-of-control-muffin-top vs pregnant bump. (I think I’m still kind of semi-sucking it in most of the time, but I’m not able to do that as well as before) I don’t think it’s crazy obvious most of the time, but I think it’s close. I just feel weird telling people? I’m a fairly private person to begin with, but I also just feel weird sharing unsolicited information? The secretary came up yesterday and asked me “are you pregnant?.. because I heard, but wasn’t sure” and I said yes and she said “but it seems like not everyone knows? Did you tell everyone?” … not really… I mean, do people do that? just randomly announce in the middle of  their department that they’re pregnant? Like “good morning SSFB how are you?” “Great, I’m pregnant!” ???? It just seems weird to me. Although I’m sure it’s because I’ve only really known most of these people since July so it’s not like we know each other all very well anyway? At least that’s how I feel about it. I did tell all the people I know who came from the same hospital I used to work at.

My plan is to tell my old coworkers at a party we’re having on the 24th of this month… to tell my highschool friends at a wedding we’re all going to at the beginning of November. And to tell the rest of my extended family at my uncles wedding at the end of October. But then I wonder if I’m being the weird one, like “Hiiiii, oh this? this is my 19 week pregnant belly!” which I guess is a little more backwards than most people about pregnancy.

Unlike Hubbin who is the total polar opposite and has told everyone he’s encountered from car salesmen to cashiers since like JULY when the baby was nothing more than a second line on a pee stick.

Maybe I need therapy! ha!

Everything is going well though. I’m struggling with current symptoms of constipation (OMG, this has NEVER been an issue for me before and I have no idea how to handle it) headaches and nausea. I totally bought the rumor nausea would be gone by now. They finally gave me some zofran at my 13 week appointment so I’m doing MUCH better. I weighed myself at work this week and I weighed 132. I was about 130 when I got pregnant but have kind of been fluctuating between 130-135 for the last year. I was pretty sure I had gained way more because my pants were totally not fitting but I didn’t really have a”belly” yet and plus all the trackers were like “baby is the size of a plum!” “baby is the size of an orange!” but I’m apparently pretty on track. Which is good because I haven’t been doing any better working out whatsoever.

I’m going to sign off for now and get back to cleaning my office and trying to relocate all my worldly possessions to make room for a baby.